Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Yarn Man 1: The Case of the Yarn Nazis and the Terrified Hippies - Part 2

We join Yarn Man as he fights for his life and the lives of the Bee Hive knitting Hippies and Grannies. The six story tall Elisabeth Zimmerman Cyborg if destroying the South Side block by block. Her ultimate goal to rid the world of English style knitting was one step closer.

The evil Yarn Nazi Gary Busey stepped through the door of the Bee Hive to menace the scared Hippies. He gnashed his over sized teeth at Yarm Man as he waited for Zimmerman to finish her evil life’s work from beyond the grave.

Yarn Man reached down to his belt looking for a weapon to use against the evil automaton. Alas his belt was just a belt.

“What do you mean my belt is just a belt?” asked a confused Yarn Man.

“You are Yarn Man not Bat Man the utility belt is copy written by DC comics.”

“You can turn Elisabeth Zimmerman into a city destroying cyborg but you can’t give me a utility belt because of Copywrite law.” stated a frantic Yarn Man as the Cyborg approached kicking a car into Dee’s CafĂ©.

From behind yarn man a shaggy figure emerged from the pile of expensive yarn.

“Yarn Dog” giggled one of the little female hippies with glee.

The Golden Retrieve jogged over to take his place at his master’s side. Yard Dog looked to Zimmerman and then to Yarn Man and whimpered.

“I am not allowed to have a Utility Belt.” stated Yarn Man.

Yarn Dog snarled at the Zimmerman Droid. Sitting back on his hind legs he put up his paws as if he was going to take on the mammoth robot alone.

“I don’t think the Dog-Fu is going to work on that.” injected Yarn Man.

In a single motion Yarn Dog leapt into the air twisting like Bruce Lee as he roundhouse kicked Busey in his gigantor teeth. The evil Yarn Nazi crashed to the ground.

“Good work Yarn Dog. Too bad you can’t Karate shop that thing.”

Yarn Dog sat back on his hind legs again and tapped his collar. Two small arms extended from the collar and placed a set of Teflon coated robotic hands on Yarn Dogs paws.

“The dog gets a utility belt, that is messed up man.” cried Yarn Man.

“It is a utility dog collar” replied the debonair narrator.

Yarn Dog hopped over to one of the Knitting Grannies and took her knitting needles and project with his super dupper opposable thumb gloves, available in stores just in time for Christmas.

“Dude you’re the Narrator, are you selling stuff while my life is in peril?’ questioned Yarn man.

The Narrator ignored him knowing that his cut of the merchandising would pay for his own yarn habit.

With needles in hand Yarn Dog switch the yarn from his right to the left just as the Zimmerman was within a step of their position. Without explanation the metallic monster stopped in mid step.

“Good thinking Yarn Dog, she can’t kill anyone knitting Continental Style.”

The Zimmerman placed her foot down and leaned over to look at the knitting dog. The great mass of metal and knitting furry closed her helmet and looked to the sky.

Without a moment to spare her rocket pack activated and she flew into the sky above the city of Steel.

“That’s it” whined Bret who was still tangled in the Cody Spun.

“Your dog beat up Gary Busey and started knitting and we are all save. Man that was a gyp.”

“Hey I don’t write this, I am just the hero.” commented our girly hero vainly defending the fact that he was shown up by his smarter and better looking dog.
“Hey man that was not necessary.” simpered Arquette unable to deal with his own limitations. <>

So we leave our hero’s as they pick up the pieces in the steel city. Gary Busey would be put away in a federal Basket Weaving Asylum. There he could gnash his teeth at will making small handy crafts for minimum wage. <>

What would become of the Zimmerman Cyborg. Well no one really knows. It is been said that she is teaching knitting at a Joanne’s in Detroit. Still, no one really knows. Tune in next time to see what foe our Hero my face.

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